Kissing Lessons
by CrazyIndigoChild
Summary: Surprise surprise, Randall Boggs managed to seduce a girl and got to KISS her! But he knows nothing about kissing. And fails. Pretty badly. Luckily Johnny knows how to kiss and is more than happy to help out a fellow ROR with a lesson or two. Education is important! Johnny/Randall


**_Hey! Another Monster's University fic for my pal DontBeAZombie who drew me an awesome CATS-Epic crossover pic! It has Misto in a freaking dress! GAH!_**

**_This one is Johnny/Randall but that's okay and I forgive her for making me write this against my will ;)_**

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_How long does it take to make a cup of coffee?_ For the whatever-zillionth time a droopy, desperate pair of students watched the coffeemaker's slow, hypnotic drip. _Definitely not an hour._

What time was it? Oh, if only they could see through the blurry haze of their dried out eyeballs and 72-hour-study-marathon abused brains. But by now time really didn't matter so much as time _left_.

Finally the remaining two became the lonely, pathetic one. Throwing all four arms up in a silent plea to the study gods to forgive him the sin of sleep, Javier finally dropped out of the house's last bid on exam cramming. He probably didn't even need to study at this point: the guy was a genius.

The lone survivor watched his buggy friend disappear up the stairs to the bedrooms. Sleep didn't sound like a horrible idea at the moment. Not a millisecond before the upstairs door clicked shut, the coffeemaker beeped with a final sputter of sludge. And it was all his. Score.

Despite how long he'd been waiting for his fifth Cuppa Joe tonight, the big lug couldn't bring himself to work up the energy he couldn't realistically have to push himself to his feet. Hell, even Chet hadn't made it to the kitchen table, he was still sound asleep on the counter by the drying dishes.

"Whoa!" It was a quiet pop of air, not much louder than whisper, but the new voice had given him enough energy to startle out of his caffeine-deprived coma to the unlocked front door. Technically he didn't need to look that far as the newest member of the ROR fraternity had already crawled over Chip's limp, mysteriously soundless body and books and timidly crept through the war zone of their kitchen. Stopping just a few feet away from the table, the purple lizard stole a worried glance at Chet on the counter. "What happened here?"

"We were studying is what happened."

"But… Johnny, the finals aren't until next week. And you've been studying for the past month now."

He nodded slowly, trying to keep the dip of his head just high enough to catch himself should he nod off and try to make glorious imprints of his face on the tabletop. "Yup. It's an annual tradition."

"No wonder you're all straight-A students!" he lizard gasped and slid into the seat across from him to inspect Javier's abandoned textbook. "But… how come I wasn't invited to your tradition? I could have helped you study, I'm a bit of a pro at cheat sheets."

Johnny tried to smile, he really did, it was just that his friend's awkward and self-conscious grin was hurting the muscles in his own face and he was scared that if he tried to smile he might very well die. So he didn't smile and hoped he didn't look too much like a jerk. "You're a first year, Randall," he began, pleased with the somewhat kind tone he'd managed to gurgle over his thick tongue. "This is a time to socialize: to get the friend-making out of the way while exams are still easy. Trust me, we're not doing this because it's fun."

Randall didn't look the least bit convinced, but that was okay because Johnny wasn't studying law or oratory. "So how did the dance go? You got home pretty late."

"The-the dance? Oh, it was fine. I met some people, danced a little, maybe met a girl or something…"

Smirking at that, Johnny woke up a little to inquire about that little tidbit. "A girl? What's her name?"

Randall's brow furrowed as he shifted to stare into his lap. Even the obnoxiously thick brims of his glasses couldn't mask the shamed look in his eye; "It… doesn't matter, I blew it and she probably thinks I'm a loser anyway."

"Ahh, come on, Randy! I'm sure it wasn't that bad, you're just exaggerating."

The other monster grimaced and glared up over the rim of his spectacles. "I'm not. It was that bad."

"Oh yeah? What'd you do?"

"I tried to kiss her," Randy whined, hands wringing the sleeves of his letterman's jacket.

"…And?"

The tiny thing sighed and again shoved his gaze down, this time meeting the picture of Sir Gregory Scales: the forefather of scare schooling. "And I messed up real bad and she shoved me and she called me a freak and her friends all laughed."

For a moment all he could do was stare; stare in shock at how this noodle-looking guy thought he could score a chick at a party, and stared in amazement at how stupid he was to think Randall would be a small risk to the ROR reputation. Still he had to pity the poor guy "…Ouch."

"I didn't know kissing girls was such a weird, sciency thing! Did you know you have to close your eyes?!"

Johnny laughed; "Did you also know some of them use tongue?"

"They what?!" Randall gasped, the purple on his face fading to a wan, ashen shade that made him sick just to look at. Hard as it was right now, it was even more disturbing to imagine Randall's reaction should he have actually sounded serious.

Now it was Johnny's turn to feel distressed. He liked Randall, he really did, but so far he'd only proven himself to be the geeky loser that wasn't exactly trade of the ROR fraternity. Cute and innocent as it was, it definitely was a liability to their house standards. "Randy… what exactly do you know about kissing?"

Randall fiddled with the buttons of his jacket and shoved his face into the high collar where he safely murmured into the cotton "Absolutely nothing."

It took a minute to register in his ragingly slow brain. "You don't… Aw, c'mon, Boggs! I'm sure you know at least _one_ thing about kissing. Don't you watch movies or do other things with kissy things in them?" He couldn't think of anything legitimate off the top of his head at the moment, but he knew kissing was definitely no occult magic. "I thought you said you had a girlfriend before."

"I-I had a girlfriend _online,_ Johnny. We didn't kiss, obviously." Oh dear Lord please make it stop.

"You can't seriously know nothing about kissing," Johnny shrugged. He just… refused to believe. "Here, plant one on me. Show me what you got."

Randall's skin flushed with pink blotches as he eyed the now-standing monster, the coffeemaker, Chet, and the transparent smudge of his hands. "I don't know, Johnny…"

"Just do it, Randall, I don't have all night."

"A-alright," Randy acquiesced and slithered around the table stopping just inches from the thin white T-shirt covering his chest. When the shorter monster made no move to follow through he ever-so-brusquely cleared his throat. "Would— umm— would you mind closing your eyes?"

_A completely reasonable request_, he had to remind himself. At this point he was more than ready to just pounce on the tiny thing and get this over with so they could both go to sleep. He closed his eyes and waited for the faint press of Randall's hand on his chest; the teasing closeness of their faces as Randy hesitated once again to close the space between them.

It was over in less than anything, in fact he could see where the poor girl's disappointment came from and wouldn't hold what she did against her. All he knew was that he'd been kissed, and that in the split second it took for their lips to make contact and break apart he couldn't help feeling disappointed himself. "…Well?"

"It was a token try," he offered, noticing just how close Randy stayed and just how terrified he looked. Damn. "But you need to let it sit a bit longer."

The small head quirked at that. "Sit?"

"Just… just kiss for longer. Here, try again."

Randy shrugged but didn't wait for Johnny to tell him twice before hopping up onto his back legs to plant another one on him. And wow!

Kissing Randy, like, _really_ kissing Randy, was very different than he'd expected. While the kiss as a whole was something completely, utterly, irreparably awkward and disjointed, something about it seemed honest and delightfully thrilling. There was a very small nugget of potential in the geeky timidness of his soft lips, one Johnny knew he had to do the world a service by digging it out.

"Better," he smiled as he broke away from the kiss, Randy still poised against him. "But it definitely could use some work."

Randy frowned and awkwardly ran the back of his sleeve over his mouth. "Work? Like how—?"

"Just follow my lead," Johnny instructed, this time wrapping his arms around the thin-bodied lizard and pinning him against his chest before taking him full on the mouth.

Taking the lead now, Johnny made sure to give Randy the best lesson he could give; education is important. For every inch he gave the little monster in his arms gave back with the delicate sincerity of his naivety. That sweet inexperience that, although Johnny didn't envy, he found irresistibly endearing in Randy. It hurt to take that away, but he wouldn't give this to anyone else.

Randy sighed against him and again tried to give back in melding their lips together, nipping at him softly. Grabbing the back of Randy's head, Johnny pressed in close to deepen the kiss.

The moment their tongues touched he was sure he'd get a mouthful of squealing, protesting Randy but the younger monster only froze a moment or two before delving into the kiss with a throaty moan.

His sweater tightened under the serpent vice of Randy's reptilian body wrapping excitedly around him, squeezing all the right places and leaving wanting shivers in his wake as he moved. Wanting shivers that quickly turned to very aroused trembling.

Again Johnny was the first to break the kiss. "A-and that's how it's done," he announced, shrugging out of their vine. It was hard— so very hard!— to ignore the starry sheen in Randy's emerald eyes and the delicious swell of his lips.

"Wow!" Randall breathed and released the struggling Johnny to slither soundlessly to the ground. "You're very good at that."

"Yeah, well, I had practice I guess." On the counter, Chet mumbled in his sleep and rolled onto his back, knocking over a can of Monster onto the floor. That reminded him, "Well I have to go study now, I'll see you around."

Without a parting glance Johnny snatched his and Javier's textbooks from the table and retreated to the staircase, leaving Randy alone with the sleeping monsters in the kitchen.

Once he was sure he was alone, Johnny tossed his books to the ground outside the study and stormed to his bedroom slamming the door. "What the hell was that!?" he hissed into his pillow as he fell into the bed. "That was just a… a freaking _make out lesson_!" From under the pillow his fist lashed out and slammed into the headboard where the expensive dark wood snapped and splintered around his knuckles.

"Umm, Johnny? Can-can I come in?"

_No!_

"Sure."

The door creaked open so softly it sang, another great lesson he'd managed to teach Randall in his short time at the ROR house. In the dark he could just barely make out the skittering figure cross to his bed. "You forgot your coffee downstairs." Oh yes. He was tired, wasn't he?

"Thank you, Randall." With a quick nod to the nightstand he motioned Randy to put the cup by the alarm clock all the while not risking a single glance at his fair, open face.

With a soft _clink_ the cup was on the nightstand but Randy didn't leave his side for a long while. And how do you tell someone you just made out with to leave you the hell alone?

Luckily he didn't exactly need to tell Randy to go away as the lizard did all the talking when he crawled up onto the bed next to him. "Johnny?" A thin hand grabbed a horn to gently turn him over. "Thanks for the help." Their eyes met and Johnny just knew Randall was aching to kiss him… the leaning in really helped him deduce that.

He didn't fight it, he really did want this: Randy to kiss him slow and sweet and pure. It felt incredibly right though everything told him that it was realistically stupid. Having the small monster pressed against him, running his tongue over the sensitive skin of his mouth and letting him taste the sweetness of cake icing, was nothing short of heavenly.

For the first time Johnny didn't want to end the kiss— it was just that good. But Randall released him with a smile and a gentle nip. "I'll let you study now. Don't want you failing your final."


End file.
